Murdoc's Fractured Stories. The Trained Goldfish

Murdoc : We're back again for more of my story time, kids! Plus, Vinnie has been having trouble sleeping lately!

Spyder : Really?

Vince : Sort of..the nightmares keep me awake every night..

Kurt : And you somehow expect that Mister N will help you sleep? *points at Murdoc*

Murdoc : Watch your mouth, Stretch! I got myself another nice story and you blowing it for everybody! This time it's 'The Trained Goldfish'

Ray : *whisper* Wanna bet it's gonna have another bad ending?

Lou : *whisper* You're on..

Murdoc : One day, there was a merchant named Kurt, he sells lots of sexy stuff, like briefs and condo-

Kurt : *roughly clears throat*

Murdoc : *ignores* While he was tending his market stall one day, a customer discovered that she didn't have enough money to pay for his stuff, so she gave him her goldfish instead.

Kurt : I'd prefer a duck, just a small one. (brings his thumb and index fingers together to show how small he means).

Murdoc : Quiet! You get a guppy and that's final! He took the guppy home and fell in love with it

Ray : Fall in love with a fish? Pfffftt..hahaaa..

Lou : *grins, trying not to laugh*

Spyder : What's so funny about it? It's okay to love your pet *rubs cat-Vince's back*

Murdoc : Not this one, Bitey. He even carries the bowl with the fish in it to the toilet!

Kurt : What's wrong with that, you asshole?!

Murdoc : Nothing...chill out would you? It's just a story. Truth is that he began to feel that it's not too convenient carrying the bowl around, but he wants the fish stick around him *looks at cat-Vince and realizes the similarity* So, Kurt decided to teach the fish how to breathe air

Lou : Psshh..impossible, that's against the law of the nature!

Murdoc : I know! First, he try to put the fish on the wet grass for a minute, then put it back in the bowl. The next day, he tries doing that for 2 minutes! The man keeps adding to time limit, waiting for the fish to get used to air.. Finally it worked and the fish was able to breathe air, even if you put it on dry ground

Ray : A fish..? That doesn't need water...because it can now breathe air...? How's that possible?

Murdoc : Ask the author.. *shrugs* Whenever he goes off, the fish hops along behind him on the ground, following Stretch. But one day when he was at the market, he realizes that the fish wasn't following him any more. It had gone! He panicked and retraced his step from the market, all the way back home.

Spyder : *worries* Where's the goldfish?

Murdoc : Hang on, I'm getting to that bit. Stretch saw a hole in the bridge near his house, but he waves it off and continues trying to find the fish everywhere else. When the sun has almost set, he finally gives up and tired makes his way back. While crossing the bridge he accidentally trips and while on his hands and knees, looks down and sees something yellow through the hole from before. Kurt was happy for a moment, because he'd found his fish in the river. But when he looks closely, his face becomes quite pale with shock, because he sees that the fish was upside-down with it's head in the water and had drowned. The end!

Lou : Fish don't drown..

Murdoc : This one did..

Ray : So, the fish died because he lived on the ground too long and he'd forgotten how to swim and breathe underwater?

Murdoc : That's right! No hard feelings, Stretch.. Once again this just a story

Kurt : *looks down*

Murdoc : Aww, don't feel blue! *Ray imitates joke punch line sound* Haha, niiiiiight you all!

Ray : Night, oh and by the way, I won that bet.

Lou : Seesh.. (rolls eyes)

Murdoc : (Looks around confused) What bet? (is ignored) Ingrates