Murdoc's Fractured Stories. Alice in Wonderland

Murdoc : Hello kids! Murdoc Niccals here, back with more of my bedtime stories! Eh, wait! *looks at Vince*

Vince : Don't worry, I'm awake right now..

Murdoc : You better be! Otherwise I'd have to kick your arse! Ahem! Let's see what we have here..*flips page* Alice in Wonderland.

Ray : What kind of Wonderland, I wonder..?

Lucifer : Heh, funny. (sniggers)

Ray : Eh..that wasn't a joke? (looks at him, wrinkling his nose in confusion)

Murdoc : Can I start now? There was a little girl named Alice, she's really a curious girl that hates studying and loves exploring! One day, after she pissing off her teacher and racking off from her lessons on how to kill people-

Kurt : Her lesson to what?!

Murdoc : ..Nothing nothing, never mind. (grins briefly) So she bogs off to the woods for awhile and while she was squatting behind a tree... (Lucifer's eyes widen a touch) ... she saw a guy in suit with red eyes and a bunny ears running past, staring at a pocket watch, saying 'I'm late I'm late, oh the King will be mad!'

Ray : Seriously? She was squatting behind the tree? (eyes him curiously)

Lucifer : Caught short. (nods)

Ray : He did that once. Straight into a briar patch. (chuckles into his hand)

Murdoc : (grits his teeth at him angrily) Shut up, Kick! Now, where was I?

Ray : He had thorn in places... (waves his hand) Gah, not right I tells you. (Lucifer snorts and almost bursts out laughing)

Murdoc : KICK!

Ray : WHAT? Sweet Satan, I'm talking here yah rude beggar. (rolls eyes)

Lucifer : Eww, did you just call me sweet? (pulls away from him)

Ray : (widens his eyes) Err.

Murdoc : I swear, I'm five seconds from setting the next bastard that speaks on fire! (looks at them all fiercely. Seeing they've grow quiet he continues) Pulling up her knickers, she chased the guy with the ears deeper to the woods. News Flash, dum, dah dah daaaaah! Beware of what you follow, you may be surprised what and where it takes you!

Kurt : Pfft..you're one to talk, Mr. N.. (rolls his eyes)

Murdoc : Oi! (zaps up a fire ball and glares at him warningly. Kurt sucks his lips in hard and shakes his head, miming locking his mouth and throwing away the key) Alice found a huge hole underneath a big tree. Seeing how dark and deep it was, she decided to climb inside it and lo and behold the twit falls! Ack, see what I mean? Silly cow. Mind you, she now has a good excuse for not studying. (shrugs) She keeps falling and falling and falling..

Spyder : I wonder if it reaches down to the centre of earth? (raises eyebrow)

Murdoc : Of course not, Bitey. Not unless she has fire proof undies? (thinks about that, then waves it off)

Spyder : I do know the reality of it Master Niccals. I was actually playing on behalf of the children.

Murdoc : KIDS? (stares at Spyder and Kurt) Hells Bells, I didn't know you two were THAT serious?

Kurt : Oh funny. Ha ha, ha. (shoot him a look of pure disdain)

Murdoc : (chuckling) Calm down, it was just a joke. After an hour, she lands on a floor with a loud thud! Looking around she saw a little door that was open, but it was so little that she couldn't get inside. Aww, stupid cow.

Lucifer : Little like what?

Murdoc : Eh..like an iPad sized, kind of little (shows him his)

Lucifer : (steals it) Yoink!

Murdoc : HEY! Give that...

Lucifer : (shoots a ferocious look at him) God here. (points at himself, waggling his eyebrows)

Murdoc : Arse... (waves it off) The girl looked around again and found a bottle of wine- I mean a bottle of pop that looked half empty, with a label that read 'Drink Me'. Don't mind if I do. (swigs his bottle of rum back)

Vince : Half empty? (thinks about it) Hey, maybe the rabbit guy must've drank it?

Murdoc : Nice observation, Vinnie. (smiles at him) At first she hesitated, since it smelled like actual wine. Then she closed her eyes and drank a little and 'pop' she shrank down to the size of a mouse. Except her clothes that is. So, she was naked-

Kurt : *clears throat*

Murdoc : What?!

Kurt : There are kids reading this.

Murdoc : Um, your point? (shrugs)

Kurt : Stop adding mature stuff, to shock them!!

Murdoc : Okay okay! Geez..Fine, the clothes shrank too, there! You happy now?! The girl walked through the door and found a fantasy land in front of her..

Lucifer : If you ask me, I'd say that the rabbit probably threw a few roofies in the wine *giggle*

Kurt : (glares at him, is ignored)

Murdoc : True enough, Lou.. (ignores Kurt as well) Alice followed the bunny shaped foot prints, leading her to a thick forest, full of unknown animals and talking plants. After walking further she heard a voice 'Are you lost?' Then suddenly a black kitten appeared, floating in front of her!

Cat-Vince : Mew?

Murdoc : Alice was surprised and thinking that maybe she'd gone mad, hearing a talking cat. But she answered anyway, just in case she wasn't. 'I'm not lost! I'm just..sight-seeing..?' The cat disappeared into thin air and appeared on a branch not too far away.

Cheshire Cat : It seems that you are indeed lost.. You should met the Caterpillar.

Alice : Why should I?

Cheshire Cat : He knows everything and he can answer many questions, although it depends on his mood.

Alice : Oh right, maybe he can tell me where this place is? Let's go!

Spyder : *lifts Cat-Vince and looking at him* I can't imagine that Vince would talk like that?

Vince : Same here. (shrugs)

Murdoc : Alice follows the Cheshire cat until they reached a foggy area. She coughs a lot since, she disliked having smoke around her. Then saw that someone was sitting on giant mushroom in front of her, puffing on his cigarette.

Cheshire Cat : Meet the Caterpillar.

Alice : He doesn't look like a caterpillar. (thinks) Then again, his teal skin does kind of make him look like one I suppose?

Caterpillar : Who are you?

Alice : My name is-

Caterpillar : You're a name?

Alice : Nooo! Alice!

Caterpillar : Welcome to Wonderland!

Alice : Wonderland? Is this a dream?

Caterpillar : No, you're not dreaming.

Alice : Okay, so do you happen to know how to get out of this place?

Caterpillar : *puffs out more smoke* Go straight to the north and you'll met the Hatter.

Alice : (waits for more, but the caterpillar appears to have stopped talking) That's it? Okay, will he help me escape from this place then?

Caterpillar : I won't answer that. How about you go and find out for yourself *engulfs himself in thick smoke*

Alice : *coughs* Bloody smoke. Cat? (looks around, sees that she's alone) Hello ohhh? Oh great. I guess I'm on my own then. (stomps off)

Murdoc : Alice finally found her way out of the forest and heard a music. Curious, she walked on a bit more and found a guy with grey eyes, wearing a tall and worn out looking hat, sitting at a very long table. He was holding a cup and sipping from it. At the other end of the table was another guy. He had silver eyes and hare ears, and was chuckling like mad idiot while smashing cups. Staring at them both, she suddenly realised that the Cheshire Cat was sitting on the Hatter's shoulder.

Lucifer : Hey, did you just call me a mad idiot?

Murdoc : No. So Alice asked the Hatter how to get out of the mad house, but they seemed to be far more interested in partying and having tea, coffee, cake and...stuff. (shrugs)

Lucifer : (blinks at him speculatively) Are you sure you didn't call me a mad idiot?

Murdoc : Yes. Alice finally got tired of being ignored, I know how she feels, and bogs off. Just then the Hatter saw that she was leaving and felt a bad about ignoring her. As he was about to call her back the Hare threw a cup at him and caught his attention. So he forgot about her and continued with his party instead.

Vince : So, how will she get out of that place?

Murdoc : She wandered around until she saw a castle from afar. That's when she remembered what the bunny said about his King being mad.

Lucifer: So now the king's a mad idiot?

Murdoc : (rolls his eyes) She guessed that this castle was probably owned by his King and ran towards it until she found herself in a garden maze, that was filled with white roses. Ack, it sounds like a creepy place. (shudders)

Vince : *gulps* I hope nobody suddenly jumps out and scares her.

Unknown Bunny : *jumps out, surprises Alice* Haaaaa!

Alice : Aaaaaaahh!! Stop thaaat. (nearly wets herself, blushes)

Ray : *laughs*

Vince : No need to scare me here!

Murdoc : Ahem! Can I continue? (they settle down again) The bunny guy glares at her and thinks that she is a trespasser, so he grabs her hand and takes her to see the king! The king was so handsome, eh like me. (grins) “Your Majesty,” said the guy. Ooh that's nice.. “I found this young lady in your garden maze''

King : Ooohh, a nice lady indeed. (looks her over) A bit on the young side, but that's fine! I've been dying for a shag, since my fifth queen left me!

Alice : Huh?

King : Tell me. Are you the one who stole my rum?!

Alice : No waaaay. I'm Alice and I've only just got here!

Royal Rabbit : ...after you stole the rum?! I bet that's why you're in the maze! She's trying to escape!

King : Is that true?!

Alice : Whaaat?? No! Argh! I don't drink, so no way I'm stealing that!

King : You could probably get away with that... If you had some kind of proof! But until then, you're guilty! (shrugs)

Alice : *grumbles* That's not fair!

Royal Rabbit : Quiet! You should thank him for sparing your head! So, have fun finding that evidence, won't you. (laughs, wanders off)

Alice : Awww, I dunno where to start! Why did I come here? *cries*

Lucifer : Poor little girl. (sniggers secretly)

Murdoc : So the girl couldn't find the evidence and the King decided to execute her anyway, because he was bored.

Kurt : That's too cruel!

Murdoc : Oi, blame the story! And maybe the King? (shrugs) Sooooo, Alice asks for a punishment instead of being executed. After a bit of thought, the King demanded that she become his slave. Mwahahahaha.

Vince : Ack, that laugh! (shudders uncomfortably)

Spyder : I wonder if she'll ever get out of there?

Murdoc : The King told her to paint his white roses, red. He and the bunny guy kept an eye on her.... Well, what I mean is that they were really just having a good old perv. The King smiled at the bunny and gave him the nod.

Kurt : ...

Murdoc : The King wandered over to Alice and put his hand on her shoulder, whispering 'Come to my room after you're done'.

Ray : *smiles widely*

Alice : Why should I? I need to go home!

King : You could live here.. I know you're pissed off about having to spend your life studying with that strict teacher of yours.

Alice : Are you guys mad?

King & Royal Bunny : *walking towards her slowly*

Kurt : Wait wait! Are you saying that she's about to be raped?!

Murdoc : ........uh......(looks around nervously)

Kurt : You better fucking change it or.. *clenches his fist*

Murdoc : Oh! Alright alright! Alice ran through the maze and found a cupcake that had 'Eat Me' written on it. She ate it quickly and grew enormous in size.. Eh, reminds me of Russel. Alice was now not afraid of the King. So she grabbed him and swung him wildly. But just as she gets to the good bit, she wakes up swinging a cutter around, with her teacher trying to stop her.

Spyder : It was all a dream? Whew..

Murdoc : Yeah..that's it, happy ending for Alice. It's all just a dream! Or was it? *chuckles* Good night to you all! *slams door*

Kurt : Whatever..good night, Spyd.*hugs him* ...and to you all

Lucifer : Good night, Kurt.

Ray : *picks up the book and reads it*

Vince : What are you doing?

Ray : Reading the 'rape' part. That ending was alright, I s'pose, but eh. *shrugs* I'm leaving..

Vince and Lucifer : !! *rushes to catch him up and read the book as well*

Spyder : *sigh.